The Dark Reality – My smiling made her sulk
Dear Love, The Dark Reality of Depression, depression letter depression meaning in hindi, depression treatment test causes symptoms, depression icd 10 after delivery.
It’s not my fault.
I am not a person who easily gives up on someone, but I really had no choice.
She blamed me, cursed me and accused me for every second of any wrong that happened to her in her life. Even if a bottle of ketchup fell and broke, it became my fault. Soon every second of her life had become wrong.
My every well-meant word hit her at wrong place and she shouted like a pinched wound. Each time I tried to find places and spaces in conversation that would hurt her least but soon realized that every millimeter of her body and heart, was bruised.
The more I tried to stop her tears the more she cried. The tears that used to start because of someone else or a consequence of some past memory visiting her out of no where, would eventually become my doing. I tried to save her from her tears but had to step back to save myself from drowning in them.
My smiling made her sulk, my success made her feel useless, my living in general, made her wish to die. I had started feeling guilty for living.
When I suggested going out with friends for a change of air, she panicked over socializing. When I suggested we both should not go, she hurt herself as a punishment for making my life boring. I stood helpless banging on closed door as I heard the slaps echoing from within.
She was beautiful, she felt ugly.
She was delicate, she felt fat.
I loved her beyond limits, but she doubted my love and didn’t accept any proofs that my words, actions, poetry, tears, shouts gave.
So I gave up. I finally gave up. I always thought that my love will be enough to see us through everything fate has set to test us with, but this I could not defeat. I could not see the devil taking over my angel and leaving her exhausted as it left only to be back yet again with more force.
So I gave up trying to cure her by my words and motivation and love and kept my ego aside and accepted that I can’t do it. And I took her to the right doctors.
It’s been a year now and my angel is back. Now I love her and she believes it. Her self respect is back, her smile is back.
I write this letter to all those in Love who are sailing in the same drowning boat, as I once did.
Save the ones you love.
It’s not their fault.
Author Mehak Mirza Prabhu, is a 34 year old mother, storyteller, writer, entrepreneur, and lives in Mumbai. Passionate about creating and narrating stories in various languages. Consciously trying to bring people face to face with reality, not through statistics and reports, but through fiction laced reality based stories that all can relate to, and thus can feel others’ pain. Social reform enthusiast, blogger at Half Baked Beans, Storyteller at Storytel (Sweden), featured in The Logical Indian page and promotional head and writer on Scribbled Feel; is looking forward to more challenges that life can bring to her, to make her pen mightier.
Also read: The Dark Reality – Just another bad day