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The Dark Reality – Preparing For The Worst

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I live in Mumbai. I am a journalist and blogger. Few months back, Meera, my elder sister, came to visit me unannounced. She had just got divorced and she wanted to leave the regular surrounding and take a break. It was a little difficult for me as I had a routine which got upset; friends who used to visit regularly had suddenly got uncomfortable. I could not stay out late. On top of that my sister used to sulk throughout the day and cry throughout the night. I was about to make up some excuse and ask her to leave, when I saw the video “DOBARA PUCHO” by the Live Laugh Love Foundation. The Dark Reality of Depression Prepairing For The Worst, depression meaning in hindi, depression treatment test causes symptoms, depression icd 10 after deliveryThe Dark Reality of Depression , Not just Physical Menopause brings Emotional changes too , what is menopause meaning, menopause symptoms problems and remedy , menopause age 43 in India , hot sad milf woman

That video changed my outlook towards my sister, I realized that she needs me and that is why she is here. I did not delay even for a moment and straight away that night I put my arms around her shoulders, let her head rest on my chest and asked her “Didi, what is going on in your mind all day?” I felt a warm drop on tear roll down my hand, dropping into her lap, but she stayed quiet. “Didi, please talk to me. I am here for you”, I could feel her body shaking as she sobbed into my arms, but she stayed quiet. I left so sad for her, I felt guilty for not asking these questions before, “Didi, Please talk to me, Talk to me Didi” I held her tighter and asked again. My eyes had opened up and now I was not going to give up till I help her out of this state of mind.

That moment I felt her body give a sharp jerk. She got up from the seat, pushing my hand away with a force I never knew that frail body ever possessed, she stood in front of me, bloodshot eyes glared at me, tears streamed down blood from a deep cut, hair was falling all over her face and runny nose made her words sticky “You want to help me? You with your perfect life and so many friends and this perfect body and a life full of freedom and happiness, YOU will help me? Really?” She kicked the chair hard, it toppled over, I moved right in time to escape getting hurt by the chair but could not ignore the sharp cut her words had left on my heart. Never knew she had such bitterness towards me. “Didi, please calm down. Yes I will help you. Just sit and talk to me calmly”. Next came a shrill laugh followed by loud piercing shouts “No one can help me, my life is curse and no one can change that, I am cursed to live. If you want to help me, leave me alone. Leave me alone so I kill myself in peace. You were the one who got all the love and attention of Maa-Baba, because of you my entire life became unhappy to start with.” “Didi that is not fair, you know that is not true. They loved us both, equally. I am where I am because of my ambitions, not by stamping on your shoulders”, she was accusing me of all wrong things in a string of blabber. In between the shouting and crying all she did was accuse me.

I love her, yes I do, but that was so unfair. I was just trying to help her but I think she just likes to be the damsel in distress. With this thought and as she grew more and more aggressive, I picked up my car keys and left from the house. The last thought being, ‘I should not have asked her only.’

Today, I sit in this waiting area of the hospital room, where Didi is recovering from a fatal suicide attempt. I should not have left her alone that night, but what else could have I done? I simply was not prepared for the outburst and accusations. I was trying to help but all I became was a trigger.

So now I have to tread cautiously, either I give up on her or prepare myself for what can come Dobara Puchnay Ke Baad. As I wait for Didi to recuperate and come back to live with me, I write this;

“Dobara Puchnay ke Baad”

A great video has finally showed all of us how to initiate help to those suffering from clinical depression.  So next time, we all will ask again and again and again when we feel someone is going through depression. Correct?

Now that part is easy, but do you know what to expect after that? Do you know it’s a can of peanuts that you will be opening?

As kids we used to have this cylindrical tin box, which was made to look like a box of peanuts.  We used open it thinking there are peanuts inside, instead a long snake like spring used to jump out, startling and scaring us. Later it used to be difficult to push that spring back in, it used to keep popping out as you tried to put the lid back on, but in vain.

That is what you should expect when you ask the victim, “What is wrong?” “Talk to me.”

Are you prepared for what will actually pounce at you from that can of peanuts?

Let me get a bit more specific, what if, when you ask for the sixth time and the person suddenly shouts out loud, tearing at his hair, slapping himself hard, kicking a stool that flies across the room, and shouts at you as if you are the reason for all their problems, are you prepared to handle that? If not then, please don’t ask ‘Dobara’ because you will end up becoming a trigger that their depressed mind was searching for. If you love that person a lot, you will end up feeling miserable for being the reason for their pain, and if you were asking out of humanity you will want to run off that scene asap. So, if you want to ask dobara, first get yourself ready to handle what may come next.

Ask yourself;

  1. Can you bear brutal anger directed straight towards you for no fault of your’s, without saying “Hello! Chill! I was just trying to help you!”
  2. Can you ignore the words being said but still not totally ignore them? Because, making your mind and ego strong and completely ignoring the anger and staying calm, will get you in trouble as well. That person will envy you terribly for being able to stay calm.
  3. Can you forget all the accusations completely the minute the anger attack, or crying attack subsides? I am sure you know that a depressed person can switch to normal mode drastically, and then feels extremely guilty after the episode in which he hurts others, verbally or physically. So can you just erase it from your mind immediately and keep no hard feelings at all?
  4. It is a high possibility that the person may completely disconnect from you after you ask him too many questions. Can you handle that?
  5. “I understand what you feel” could be the worst thing you can say to them, it could be even be the best. Are you ready to take your chances?
  6. Depression can get contagious. Ready to take the risk?

n)…….

The questions you need to ask are endless. Being completely prepared is not even a possibility. If you truly love the person you might say yes to all of the above. But sometimes rather many a times love has failed this test. Are you ready to accept that there is no one single way to handle this multi dimensional illness? During war no one is spared, not women nor kids. Depression attacks in similar fashion. It does not spare anyone, neither motivational talks nor well meant words. It fires the gun without any discrimination or compassion.

This illness affects every dimension of the life of its victim. Relationships, finances, fitness, work, social, self esteem; it’s the most dangerous virus of all, spreads not just within but also all around the person. It puts him in a vicious cycle of self disappointments. It appears like an entangled ball of wool, messy, with no way to find that, one end that will untangle it all, black wool to be precise. After a point the good days become pointless because by the time they can even figure out where to start to undo the damage, the bad day is back. The victim is falling if you give him a hand its possible you shall fall along.

The words said above are not of a pessimist but in fact of a realistic mind. All of the above sounds depressing: Well that is the dark reality, if you jump into this well to save, please do remember, climbing back up is a slippery way. Not discouraging you from jumping but nudging you to keep a life jacket ready even if you are a great swimmer.

All said, there is something you can really do if you really want to help. Drag the person, figuratively or actually, to a Doctor.  He will be prepared to ask Dobara, just a little better than you are. Just like you won’t treat cancer with just a hug, or being there for that person, or by mere kind words, or questioning what they are exactly feeling, at whatever stage the cancer might be; look at depression with the same urgency please.

Author Mehak Mirza Prabhu, is a 34 year old mother, storyteller, writer, entrepreneur, and lives in Mumbai. Passionate about creating and narrating stories in various languages. Consciously trying to bring people face to face with reality, not through statistics and reports, but through fiction laced reality based stories that all can relate to, and thus can feel others’ pain. Social reform enthusiast, blogger at Half Baked Beans, Storyteller at Storytel (Sweden), featured in The Logical Indian page and promotional head and writer on Scribbled Feel; is looking forward to more challenges that life can bring to her, to make her pen mightier.

Also read: The Dark Reality – Just another bad day

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Xiaomi Mi MIX 2: What’s Inside The Box

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Finally, Xiaomi has unvieled the Mi Mix 2 device which is an heir to last year’s bezel-less Mi Mix and features a features a 5.99-inch full-HD (1080×2160 pixels) 18:9 display with a pixel density of 403ppi and a DCI-P3 colour gamut with even thinner bezels. Unlike its antecedent, the Xiaomi Mi MIX 2 has been confirmed to launch in India soon, informed Manu Kumar Jain, MD of Xiaomi India on Twitter.

The design: Xiaomi Mi Mix 2 vs Mi Mix: As an improvement over the predecessor, Xiaomi has swapped a few things in Mi Mix 2. With four-sided curved ceramic body and an aluminum frame, Mi Mix2 looks more charming than Mi Mix with 12% narrower bezel.

However, the screen size is of Mi Mix 2 (5.99-inch) is comparatively smaller than the predecessor putting it back in the realm of ‘normal smartphone size’ as most of the Mi Mix owners were unhappy with its huge size.

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Thanks to rounder edges, Mi Mix2 is more comfortable to handle while Mi Mix had sharper edges and it flaunts 18K Gold-plated decorative camera rim.

While Mi Mix had a “piezoelectric speaker” instead of a normal earpiece speaker, but in the Mi Mix 2, this bizarre setup is replaced by a razor-thin earpiece in the top bezel.

Xiaomi Mi Mix 2 Specifications, Review, Price in India

Processor and RAM: As one would anticipate, the Xiaomi MIX 2 comes with flagship specifications to meet its premium design. It features high-end Qualcomm’s Snapdragon 835 chipset along with 6GB of RAM and up to 256GB of storage.

Camera: With Sony IMX386 sensor (with 1.25um pixels) and 4-axis optical stabilization setup it can shoot 4K or 1080p video at 30 fps, and 720p video at up to 120 fps for slow motion.

Making it a truly global smartphone that can work on almost all the networks in the world, Mix 2 supports 43 bands.

Mi MIX 2 Key features:

18:9 Screen, 5.99″ display
12% reduced chin size
Hidden speaker & proximity sensor
Snapdragon 835, 6GB RAM
Sony IMX386 sensor, 1.25μm large pixels 4-axis optical image stabilization
Four-sided curved ceramic body 7-series aluminium alloy frame
Global LTE support, 6 modes 43 bands

Review – What’s Bad in Mix 2: Despite having Quick Charge 3.0 support, powered with 3,400mAh battery Mix 2 fails to meet up the battery backup expectations. Another disappointment is the front-facing camera, which has been more seamlessly integrated into the bottom panel but will still require you to hold the phone upside-down for selfies.

Expected price of Mi Mix 2 in India: INR 32,500
Launch date: Manu Kumar Jain, MD of Xiaomi India, took to Twitter to confirm in a post that the Mi MIX 2 will be launched soon in India. He, however, didn’t share any specific timelines.

Also read: Samsung Galaxy Note 8 Review

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Who are Nigeria’s Boko Haram Islamist Terrorist group?

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What is Boko Haram: Militant Islamist organization Boko Haram refers itself as Islamic State West Africa Province (al-Wilāya al-Islāmiyya Gharb Afrīqiyyah) and has been a reason of massive devastation in Africa’s most populous nation Nigeria through a wave of bombardments, brutal assassinations, rapes, and abductions – is battling to topple the government and create an Islamic state.

Who is Boko Haram Leader: Boko Haram’s founder, Muhammad Yusuf, died in police custody in July 2009, and hundreds of others were murdered during that huge crackdown – which many blame for coercing the group even more violent.  The militant group Boko Haram was headed by Abubakar Shekau until August 2016, when he was replaced by Abu Musab al-Barnawi.

In 2014, a shocking video clip of Abubakar Muhammad Shekau was surfaced that showed him grinning as he admitted the abduction of more than 200 schoolgirls, promising to sell them.  The Islamic State (IS) militant group has announced that its West African affiliate Boko Haram has a new leader as Abu Mus’ab al-Barnawi. Little is known about Abu Mus’ab al-Barnawi, who appeared in a Boko Haram video in January 2015 as the group’s spokesman.

Agenda of Boko Haram: Boko Haram advocates a fanatical version of Islam that makes it “haram”, or forbidden, for Muslims to take part in any partisan or friendly activity affiliated with Western society. This entails voting in polls, wearing shirts and trousers or getting a secular pedagogy.

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Boko Haram sees the Nigerian country as being governed by non-believers, notwithstanding of whether the president is Muslim or not – and it has stretched its military campaign by targeting bordering states.

Since the prevailing insurgency began in 2009, Boko Haram has killed tens of thousands and uprooted 2.3 million people from their shelters and was ranked as the world’s deadliest terror organization by the Global Terrorism Index in 2015.

Boko Haram’s alliance with ISIS: Boko Haram had alleged links to al-Qaeda, but in March 2015, it declared its loyalty to the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL). Most of the analysts that have been keeping an eye on Nigerian crisis foretell that Boko Haram will soon be beaten, but the militant group’s allegiance with ISIS means that would presumably push the militants further into bordering countries.

Quick Facts About Boko Haram

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  • Founded in 2002, initially concentrated on opposing Western-style education.
  • Propelled military operations in 2009.
  • Thousands killed, mostly in north-eastern Nigeria, hundreds abducted, including at least 200 schoolgirls.
  • Joined Islamic State, calls itself IS’s “West African province.”
  • Seized large area in north-east, where it declared caliphate.
  • Regional force has retaken most territory last year.
  • Boko Haram was widely covered in the Western media in 2014 after the group kidnapped 219 schoolgirls.
  • At least 17,000 have been killed since Boko Haram launched an insurgency in 2009 to carve out an Islamic state in northeast Nigeria.
  • More than 2.6 million people have fled their homes since the start of the violence, but some of the internally displaced have returned home after troops began a fight-back last year and recaptured territory.

Why #PrayForNigeria was trending on Twitter

#PrayForNigeria was started recently because there was a suicide bombing on a mosque that killed 24 people, now you can see a lot of stuff about it on Interwebs, including torture of hostages, kidnapping of women and kids burned alive.

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But most of the stuff that is being shared by Twitterati dates back to February, when Boko Haram extremists raged a series of assaults against innocent people in refugee camps.

Way back in February, members of the radical Islamist group Boko Haram killed 86 people, including children in a series of attacks on a village, near a refugee camp in northern Nigeria. But we only cared about it, when a Twitter hashtag started trending worldwide.

Right, Black lives matter! Yes, we should pray for Nigeria, we should pray for the world, we should pray for the peace, but what we should not do is to spread baseless things, as spreading needless negativity makes our world more vulnerable to negative elements.

Also read: Terrorist Attacks and Islamophobia 

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